Needing some prayers...

Gramps really isn't doing very well today. While the doctor's had been focusing on his congestive heart failure, they were not really paying attention to the pneumonia. They finally ran some more tests and the results were not very promising. He has one of the worst strands of pneumonia possible, the kind that is known to kill elderly patients. There is only one other elderly man in the same hospital with that exact type and he is not faring too well. They are aggressively treating Gramps illness, but it's going to be a long, rough battle. His health has not been very good for the past several years and his paralysis is really going to slow his recovery. He broke his neck in 2002 and has had some permanent paralysis ever since which greatly limits his mobility. This keeps him from getting up and moving around to keep the fluids from gathering in his body. Also, he has prostate cancer issues which doesn't help the situation either. As I mentioned above, he also has congestive heart failure. This is not a good combination. I am terribly scared for my grandfather's life. This is going to be very rough on him. I can only imagine how my Grams is feeling right now. I am scared for her as well especially considering how sick she has been lately.

Right now all I can do is pray and spend time with the both of them. I desperately want and need Gramps to get better. I cannot imagine a world without either of them in it and I don't even like to think about the possibility. I know everything is in God's hands and I try to keep myself strong in that belief. I broke down and cried at work tonight just thinking about everything. I hate to do that, but I am scared. I feel powerless and sick with worry. I know I need to be sleeping right now, but I can't put my mind at ease for anything. I have a sick feeling in my stomach.

I am taking Grams to her physical therapy appointment in the morning and then we are going to visit Gramps. I hope seeing him will help to ease the worry and anxiety, even if it is only temporary. I decided to stay at my mom's house tonight so I could be closer for the drive in the morning. I miss Ryan incredibly tonight, but he understands that I need to be with my family right now. I know he would be right here with me if he didn't have to work in the morning. He loves my grandparent's as if they were his own. We plan to spend the weekend with them this weekend. I work days this weekend so Ry is probably just going to hang out with my Dad while I'm working.

We are also job hunting for me this weekend. My new schedule came out at work and needless to say I was less than pleased with it. I have only two weekends off between now and May. The only reason I got those is because I put in for a vacation for Ryan's cousin's wedding. I did manage to push just enough to get a third weekend off, the weekend I had requested for my birthday. I still have to work my actual birthday though, but whatever. I just hope I find another job soon that is closer to home, with better hours, and better pay. I got through school so hopefully I can finally put that degree to use. Ryan is also taking me to see "The Wiz" this weekend. It looks like it will be entertaining and we could certainly use a date night. Between our schedules it can get pretty hard to have a night just for the two of us. I will be patient though, I know the right job will come along soon enough.

It also occurred to me today that our wedding is rapidly approaching. I hadn't put much thought into it because it is in April of 2011. Just over a year from now I'm going to be a wife.... wow! I haven't done anything planning wise other than flipping through a few magazines and checking out some dresses online. Guess I should get the ball rolling on that pretty soon or I'll be cramming everything in last minute. I should probably save my mom and myself some stress and just do a little bit at a time. Well, I should honestly get our move out of the way first and then focus solely on the wedding planning. It's strange to me, I have dreamed of this since I was a little girl and now it seems very surreal that I will actually be getting married. It's exciting and scary at the same time. Ah, too much to think about right now. It's kinda hard to get too excited about wedding planning with sick grandparents. There will be plenty of time for that later.

Well, I should try to get some sleep. I have to get up in 5 hours to go pick up Grams so I gotta end this here. Until next time...