Ups & Downs

Well I haven't had the chance to write for a few days, life has conveniently bumped in the way of that. With my grandparents being so sick and getting my wisdom teeth cut out, the last thing I cared about was blogging about it. I felt crummy, I looked crummy, so my stories were sure to be even worse. Thought I would spare you at least!

A few things have changed though. Grams & Gramps are now home from the hospital and are doing better. Unfortunately, my Great Grams, "Mom", is now in the hospital and is not expected to leave again. She is 97 years old and has congestive heart failure. I have a lot of mixed emotions about this. I just want to go see her again and I will this week. She looks so fragile now and she can barely see. I can only imagine what someone her age has been through. I wish I could write a book about all the things she has witnessed, how times have changed, lives have changed, and living through so many different generations. It must seem like an entirely different world than it was when she was my age. I want to be able to store those memories somehow so I can continue to pass them on, like a written history book full of nothing but life. I hope her prognosis improves. Right now they don't expect her to make it another two weeks, but I know for certain she is one tough little lady. She has lived through many situations when she was given a short span of time to survive. Only time and God will tell. I pray for her comfort.

I had my wisdom teeth taken out this past Tuesday, well some at least. It has been rough, much worse than I remember last time. Somehow we must heal quicker as teenagers than we do in our twenties. I have felt just yuck all week. I really don't feel like eating or talking and the more I do of either, the worse I feel. I have bad headaches and nausea, which I am assuming is coming from a dry socket. I can't say that for certain until I go back to see the dentist in the morning. My mouth is just killing me and the medicine doesn't seem to be working anymore. Hopefully they will get that taken care of quickly in the morning so I can get some relief. Guess I will know then.

Also, we are going to look at a house tomorrow. My cousin is a Realtor and he called me about a foreclosed home that he hasn't listed yet. It is a really nice three bedroom house in a very nice neighborhood close to us. It is within our price range and we have the chance to be the only people to make an offer on it if we like it. I am really excited! We could possibly have our own home by the time we get married, how awesome! I am going to take plenty of pictures tomorrow, so I'll post some later.

Well, I'm wiped out. I'm outta here. Night.

Update...

Yep, that's right! We moved it up and I couldn't be happier! My mom has been texting me constantly today asking ever planning question imaginable! I love it! SO much to do in just under 10 months, but it is going to be a beautiful day. I am truly blessed! Ok, I'll write more later because I seriously need to get to the grocery store and then off to dinner with Ryan tonight!

Needing some prayers...

Gramps really isn't doing very well today. While the doctor's had been focusing on his congestive heart failure, they were not really paying attention to the pneumonia. They finally ran some more tests and the results were not very promising. He has one of the worst strands of pneumonia possible, the kind that is known to kill elderly patients. There is only one other elderly man in the same hospital with that exact type and he is not faring too well. They are aggressively treating Gramps illness, but it's going to be a long, rough battle. His health has not been very good for the past several years and his paralysis is really going to slow his recovery. He broke his neck in 2002 and has had some permanent paralysis ever since which greatly limits his mobility. This keeps him from getting up and moving around to keep the fluids from gathering in his body. Also, he has prostate cancer issues which doesn't help the situation either. As I mentioned above, he also has congestive heart failure. This is not a good combination. I am terribly scared for my grandfather's life. This is going to be very rough on him. I can only imagine how my Grams is feeling right now. I am scared for her as well especially considering how sick she has been lately.

Right now all I can do is pray and spend time with the both of them. I desperately want and need Gramps to get better. I cannot imagine a world without either of them in it and I don't even like to think about the possibility. I know everything is in God's hands and I try to keep myself strong in that belief. I broke down and cried at work tonight just thinking about everything. I hate to do that, but I am scared. I feel powerless and sick with worry. I know I need to be sleeping right now, but I can't put my mind at ease for anything. I have a sick feeling in my stomach.

I am taking Grams to her physical therapy appointment in the morning and then we are going to visit Gramps. I hope seeing him will help to ease the worry and anxiety, even if it is only temporary. I decided to stay at my mom's house tonight so I could be closer for the drive in the morning. I miss Ryan incredibly tonight, but he understands that I need to be with my family right now. I know he would be right here with me if he didn't have to work in the morning. He loves my grandparent's as if they were his own. We plan to spend the weekend with them this weekend. I work days this weekend so Ry is probably just going to hang out with my Dad while I'm working.

We are also job hunting for me this weekend. My new schedule came out at work and needless to say I was less than pleased with it. I have only two weekends off between now and May. The only reason I got those is because I put in for a vacation for Ryan's cousin's wedding. I did manage to push just enough to get a third weekend off, the weekend I had requested for my birthday. I still have to work my actual birthday though, but whatever. I just hope I find another job soon that is closer to home, with better hours, and better pay. I got through school so hopefully I can finally put that degree to use. Ryan is also taking me to see "The Wiz" this weekend. It looks like it will be entertaining and we could certainly use a date night. Between our schedules it can get pretty hard to have a night just for the two of us. I will be patient though, I know the right job will come along soon enough.

It also occurred to me today that our wedding is rapidly approaching. I hadn't put much thought into it because it is in April of 2011. Just over a year from now I'm going to be a wife.... wow! I haven't done anything planning wise other than flipping through a few magazines and checking out some dresses online. Guess I should get the ball rolling on that pretty soon or I'll be cramming everything in last minute. I should probably save my mom and myself some stress and just do a little bit at a time. Well, I should honestly get our move out of the way first and then focus solely on the wedding planning. It's strange to me, I have dreamed of this since I was a little girl and now it seems very surreal that I will actually be getting married. It's exciting and scary at the same time. Ah, too much to think about right now. It's kinda hard to get too excited about wedding planning with sick grandparents. There will be plenty of time for that later.

Well, I should try to get some sleep. I have to get up in 5 hours to go pick up Grams so I gotta end this here. Until next time...

Today was a good day.

I am glad to say I finally have a post that has good news! I feel like the last couple weeks I've only had things to gripe about and stress over. That really puts a damper on life when you can't see past it. So, today I am happy and today I am feeling great! I got to bring my Grams home from the hospital today! It was so nice to just see her, bringing her home was a pure blessing in my eyes. She looked good, sounded good, and was back to acting like her normal self. Thank the Lord! I got to visit with my Gramps as well. He is looking much better already. They have drained a lot of the excess fluid from his legs and have him on medication to help reduce the congestion. It was a feeling of pure relief to see them both doing so well!

I got Grams home and settled into the house before my aunt, uncle, and baby niece brought dinner over. My dad came shortly also. It was nice to have dinner together. I didn't really realize how much I need time with my family like that until I'm not physically able to do it or poor health puts our get togethers to a halt. So many people have prayed for my family and I am so grateful.

In other good news, Ryan kept the house from burning down today! Seriously, we were probably within an hour of the whole house catching on fire. The landlord had put a couple of space heaters under the house when the pipes froze. They used cheap extension cords that are not made for heavy duty equipment. It even says on the packaging to never use an extension cord on space heaters, but that didn't stop them! We had no idea it was hooked up like that because they placed them in the crawl space directly under the middle of our house. Ryan got home from work and decided he was going to unhook everything since we are supposed to have two wonderful days of 40 degree weather! He went into the garage and noticed a chemical smell, then proceeded to crawl under the house. He went to unhook the extension cords and they were so hot he couldn't handle them. When he finally got them apart, the insides were completely melted and burnt to a crisp. There was melting plastic inside of the plugs!! I am so glad he decided to check that when he did and I am very, very glad he was home at the time! If that had happened this morning our house would have burned to the ground with our pug inside. It's a small house and it's old, so it would have just went up in flames. It scares me to even think about the dog being trapped in a burning house. Don't even want to think about it at all!

So, we have decided we are going to move when our lease is up in May. I am very, very excited about this! There is a nice house a few blocks from here in a much nicer neighborhood that we are looking at right now. It is a two story with a two car garage; that would have been nice this winter!! It is much newer and has a lot more space. The price is reasonable as well, but the military's housing allowance lets us have our pick for the most part. I just hope it's still available come May. I guess we will see!

Work was awesome this weekend too. We let the kids watch movies and have snacks. They loved it and it made for two really great shifts, even if I was working the weekend. I wish more shifts went like that, but I'll take what I can get! I had today off, but I really didn't get much time to myself. Hopefully my next day off, Thursday, will be filled with sitting around in my pj's and just watching TV! Maybe a play date with my niece too. Well, I'm off to go make Ryan's lunch for tomorrow. Until next time.... farvel!

The rest of the day crushed me, I need some good things to happen right now.

I had really hoped today was going to be great, but I didn't fare so well. I woke up this morning and things were smooth sailing. Our water turned back on after our pipes unfroze and I had one of the best showers ever! That put me in a great mood! I was feeling good on the way to work, had a great conversation with Ryan, and my with my best friend (who I have recently had a few struggles with). Work was even going great tonight. We had three staff in my group, (we normally have just two), and we were able to get out of the dorm on our own to get things done. I called for my break about 8:15 after I finished passing meds and checked my phone. My dad had sent me a text message saying they were rushing my grandpa to the same hospital my grandma is currently in in North Kansas City. His pneumonia has worsened and he has severe fluid build-up on his legs and his congestion is horrible. I fell apart within seconds. Due to weather and working evenings I haven't been able to get up to see either one of them and now they are both in the hospital. I feel absolutely crushed that they are both so sick and there is nothing I can do. I am off work Monday morning and I intend to spend my entire day there between the two of them.

Apparently grams is a little worse than she was sharing with me. Her meeting with the cardiologist didn't go so smoothly and the ultrasound showed what appeared to me a heart murmur that was not there before. They have her hooked up to a heart monitor 24 hours a day and are in talks about a defibrillator. She'll continue to be on this new monitor and medication after she returns home. I am glad that she is in this hospital thought because it is ranked one of the top cardiology hospitals in the state which is comforting considering my gramps has heart disease and congenital heart failure as well. They cannot be on the same floor however. She can't leave the cardiac floor because of her monitor and he can't leave his floor due to his illness. How terrible is that? My grams has a way of sweet talking people so I imagine she'll find a way to get down to see my gramps tomorrow. I just pray for a healthy, speedy recovery for the both of them. They are like a second set of parents to me and I would feel lost without them. I know I have been very blessed to have them in my life, especially since my other grams passed away suddenly almost three years ago right in front of me and I never knew my other gramps. I am ready for them, as are many, many other people, to be home and healthy again. They are loved be so, so many in their community.

Work let me off early tonight because I was an extra and I was pretty upset. That rarely happens, but I am appreciative for the few caring supervisors that I work with. I tried to go to the hospital, but by the time I almost got there, they weren't letting anyone else in unless it was critical care. So I decided to keep myself occupied with errands. I went to Wal-Mart and got new supplies for work, went home to let Didymus out, and started laundry. I also filled out all of my cards for everybody's birthdays, Get Well cards, Anniversaries and such. I also got our massive amount of trash ready to be taken out Monday night since we couldn't get it out last week because of the weather.

After I finished my errands I decided to go meet Ryan at Happy Hour with several of our friends. That was really nice and fun. I haven't been out in a long, long time due to working weekends, saving money for Christmas, and finishing up my last semester of Grad School. I didn't drink at all because of the roads and I wanted to get us home safely, but I still had a lot of fun. I got to catch up with my best friend and other girlfriends. I missed that so much. I think I'll do it again next weekend and maybe have Ryan be the designated driver this time.

Well, it's time for me to get Ryan's military uniforms in the washer before I call it quits for the night. I feel a little bit better after getting my thoughts in order again. I think this blog is going to be like a type of therapy for me, sounds alright to me! I'm signing out now.... tot ziens!

Success!

Our water is back on! Hurray! I instantly checked the water temp and jumped right in the shower. It was one of the top showers I've ever had in my life! That's all I've got for now, have to go to work in 5 minutes. Adios!

Good deeds

Well today certainly didn't start out very well, but it is ended on a good note. I had a hard time sleeping last night, but that is pretty common for me. I finally fell asleep after Ryan left for work this morning. I slept until about 1pm and watched a bit of TV before I finally decided to get up and get around for work. I went about my routine and went to take a shower. Guess what.... no water, pipes were frozen!! Are you kidding me?!? So.... needless to say I didn't get to take a shower before work, gross. Off to work I went anyway. Work went well tonight. I was the shift leader in charge and that was nice for a change. That meant the "warden" wasn't working tonight AND I found out she won't be there all weekend. Even better! It was a pretty normal night and then I headed home.

On my way home I noticed a car parked on the shoulder with the hazard lights on. Then I noticed what looked like a younger teenage boy walking down the side of the highway. Normally I wouldn't have even considered pulling over at 1am in the morning, but it was -5 degrees outside and he was still 10 miles from town. So I went against my gut and pulled over to let him get in. I was right, he was 16 years old and carrying a tiny gas can. He certainly didn't have enough clothes on to be walking that far in the cold. He probably thanked me a million times for giving him a ride to the gas station. In route he explained to me that he had just went on his first date with a girl and had run out of gas on his way home. He knew he was running low on gas, but was enjoying his time with the new girl so he sat in her driveway for an hour and a half talking to her with the car running the whole time. He was too embarrassed to tell her his gas was running low. I thought that was pretty sweet that he enjoyed her company so much he was willing to walk home in the cold just to talk with her. Well, I got him to the gas station and he offered to buy me something to drive, but I politely declined as I already had something. That was very sweet of him. I got him back to his car and waited for him to pull off before I left. I was glad he was going to get home safely. Feels good to help people out especially in this horrible weather.

On another note, both of my grandparents are sick right now. Gramps has been sick for about a week and Wednesday night my grams got put in the hospital after she became lightheaded and short of breath. Due to the hazardous road conditions it took almost 4 hours for the ambulance to transport her, but they made it safely. She has been checked out by her cardiologist and it was a good report and she's feeling much better. She's going to be placed on a monitor for 30 days to make sure she's getting enough oxygen. Today was her 76th birthday and I hated that I couldn't make it up to see her. I always see her on her birthday, but the weather just wasn't going to allow it this time. She's supposed to be home on Monday, so I plan to make up for it then. I'll just make it extra special since she had to be alone today. I love my grandparents so much, they are just the most wonderful people. I have truly been blessed to be their granddaughter.

Well, I don't really have much else to share tonight. I'm pretty worn out so I think I'm gonna call it a night. Adieu!

Grump of the day award goes to....

ME! Yea, I've been a bit of a grump tonight and I just can't shake it. I did my best to not be short with the kids tonight at work and for the most part I wasn't. Towards the end of the night however, I got a little bit snippy when a youth kept repeating the same question over and over. I just had to remind myself he's just a kid and that's what they do. I did get good news that I'm not going to get wrote up over the whole incident with the "warden" at work. She's a group leader there, which is the position that is one step above mine in the administration command. She's not in charge of the staff team I'm on thankfully. Basically, I got accused of doing something I wasn't supposed to when she was the one who gave me permission in the first place. I can't stand that woman. My supervisor informed me the issue had been dismissed and no one in administration took her seriously and there is a large amount of regret about placing her in the position in the first place. I'm glad I'm not the only person who just can't tolerate her. Every time I walk in the door and see that she's the shift leader in charge for the night I want to pull my hair out. She's ineffective, absent-minded, and incredibly slow. I guess she's been scheduling herself as shift leader so she doesn't have to deal with the group she's in charge of. Go figure.... she got a promotion and now won't do her job. Ugh.... whatever. Just relieved to know my boss stood up for me and nothing is going in my employee file. Enough of that mess!

Work has been better the past couple nights. One of our "nightmare" kids went home Monday morning and it has been great! It's amazing how much things can change when certain kids leave the program. 6 kids opened up and shared their stories that night because they felt safe for the first time. Now we have a ton of hotlines to do, but that's just part of the job. Hopefully these youth can finally get the help and therapy they need. I feel like my group is making real progress for the first time in a very long time.

I am only working a half day tomorrow so I can leave while it's still daylight and to hopefully avoid the worst of the snowstorm we are supposed to get all day long. Working out in the middle of the country can be dangerous during the winter. The roads are not well tended to in the middle of nowhere and there certainly isn't adequate lighting to see what you're driving into. I also don't have to work Thursday so that helps. I do however plan to go see my grandparents during the day. My gramps has bronchitis and walking pneumonia. He's on oxygen constantly, has three breathing treatments a day, and is taking antibiotics. Hopefully he's getting plenty of rest and is starting to feel better. His health hasn't been the greatest for the past 10 years and his 80th birthday is next month. I really wish I was able to get up to see them more often, I really miss them. I know I will get to see them a little bit more next month with all the birthdays, including my own.

Speaking of my birthday, I have got to book the hotel and buy the train tickets for our trip to St. Louis. Ryan and I are taking Amtrak and staying in a suite for the weekend. We just wanted to get away together for a weekend instead of the traditional party with all of my friends on the plaza. I don't get many weekends off and we don't get to spend a lot of time together due to our work schedules. I am really looking forward to some time with just him and me. We are going to meet up with a friend of ours who just so happens to be our tattoo artist as well. Ryan is going to get a new side tattoo and I am going to get all of mine touched up. I am looking forward to that also!

Well, it's time for me to get some zzzzzz's! Have to get up in just 6 hours for work. So until tomorrow.... adieu!

This has to start somewhere, what better time than now

Well, being that I have never blogged before, I'm not really sure where to start. I just wanted a place to write down things from my daily life and to help me get better perspective on my life, work, love life, family, and such. I previously wrote a year in review for 2009 so I thought I would just write something a few days a week this year instead of trying to remember everything and how I felt about it after 12 whole months. That being said, this is the beginning of my new year and new blog.

2009 was named "The Year of Relationships and Education". That was due to being in a pretty cruddy relationship in '08 and decided I was going to stay single for a very long time. I did for quite some time, but I wasn't planning on meeting Ryan. That was all it took! I met him and we have been together ever since. I knew almost instantly he was the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with. The education part was more stressful than anything. I was finishing up my last year of graduate school. I had endless papers to write and one humongous 8 hour, all essay, comprehensive exam to take. Most people don't pass it the first time around and you only get two shots. I studied until my brain hurt for days on end, but I passed my first time. I couldn't believe it. So, I graduated with a Master's of Science in Criminal Justice with a emphasis in Juvenile Justice. It was one of the best days of my life.

2010 is being coined "The Year of the Career". I have worked in a juvenile boys home for almost three years now. I really love what I do and love the challenge, but the hours are ridiculous and the pay is even worse. I don't even make 30k a year and I drive 1.5 hours a day at a minimum. I work weekends and holidays, not to mention the fact that I can work up to four different shifts in one week. The ups of the job are seriously outweighed by the downs. So now that I've finished school and will have hefty student loan payments starting this summer, it's time for me to find a new job. I know I want to continue on working with delinquent juveniles and I must have something closer to home. I can't relocate because Ryan is stationed here for the next 13 years. I have found a few leads such as a Federal Probation & Pretrial Service officer, a probation & parole officer, and a behavioral therapist aide. I am applying for all three positions and now I have some excellent references and a letter of recommendation. Hopefully something will work out soon. I have Ryan and I being on different shifts and being gone from home so much on weekends. The hardest part for me is being gone from my family on holidays. I don't have to do this job anymore so I'm not going to. I'll be patient, but I would really like to be in a new position before the summer rolls around. Ok, well enough about the job hunt.

I am also working on learning to cook better. My crock pot is becoming my best friend! It lets me make Ryan dinner when I actually can't be home with him due to my 4-12 work schedule this week. I just put in garlic chicken with onions, mushroom soup, white wine, salt, and pepper. The house already smells amazing. This way we both get a good meal, but it won't be together. Ah, corrections jobs and military jobs in one relationship prove difficult!

Well, it's time for me to get the laundry changed over and catch some sleep. Until tomorrow....